I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize