carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
