So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
