Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
