hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
