Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
