it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
