wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's like God shit irony all over that family
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
