Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
