I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
