I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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