I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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