my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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