my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
