I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
