i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
