was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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