I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
