woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
