32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
