at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
