Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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