apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
