Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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