one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
