his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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