You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
