He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
