Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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