Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
