Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
