so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
