The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
