I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
