I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
