Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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