I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
