WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
