I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
