Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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