I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
