You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
