I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
