im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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