Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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