I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
