you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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