i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
