we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
