You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
