I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize