I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
