Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
