We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
