its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
