hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
