Jerry, you need to find god
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
