I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
