I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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