i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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