I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
