you win again, gameday.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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