I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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