do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
