I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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