i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You don't make any sense
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