I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
